i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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