please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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