So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
