marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
