I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
