Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
