its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
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i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We're too hungover to prance.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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