if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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