Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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