she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
