Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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