I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize