I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
