They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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