so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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