There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
