the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
