I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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