So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
