if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
