someone threw a dead crab at me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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