She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
