fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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