All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
