People in love make me want to vomit
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
