I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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