just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize