I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
