Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
