She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
