just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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