You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
