Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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