I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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