she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
