now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Don't EVER smell your tampon
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
