i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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