um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
