After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
