What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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