dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
