I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You may now shotgun with the bride
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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