So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
