Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
