The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
