it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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