I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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