My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
