he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
