i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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