just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
