He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
