the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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