i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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