i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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