it's like iHOP with fire
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
