Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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