cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
