dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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