nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
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You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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