I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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