dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You smell like stripper and shame
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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