ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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