Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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