I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize