I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
