I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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